Wednesday, May 27, 2009

When did I get old...

Lookin at ol FB pics
Rememberin 'bout those college cliques
Wonderin who dressed that chick
When did I get old?

Orchesis memories...choregraphin Rhythm Nation
Rememberin Q oil with pure elation
Laughin that we taped the radio station...
When did I get old?

Messin with w/the boys like they were my toy
Singin top of my lungs w/Anita, 'you bring me joy'
Denyin wrong doin'....'that wasn't me boy!!'
When did I get old?

Writin checks at Hardee's...in debt deep
Checkin down the hall so nobody'd see me creep
Prayin he'd be quiet so Kasie'd stay sleep :D
When did I get old?

Perculatin at the club....doin it up right
Didn't ya'll kno it was Ho Phi Ho nite?
Knowin we looked good...daisy dukes were a sight ;)
When did I get old?

Goin to get a burrito at 11 o'clock
Doin it up right til I put 'em in shock
Ready to fight if his roommate didn't learn how to knock
When did I get old?

Swallowin that minnow for a t-shirt & tha props
Runnin from that party...dang, who called the cops?
Chargin up that credit girl, cuz we just had to shop...
When did I get old?

BUT

Now lookin at my babies asleep in the bed
Blessed by a husband that doesn't mess with my head
Knowin more than once I should've easily been dead
I thank God that I got old!

Realizin my worth ain't dependent on the outside
Knowin there is nuthin that i need to hide
Humbling myself....lettin go of all pride
I thank God that I got old!

Taking moments in prayer to thank Him for blessing
Realizin intimacy ain't got nuthin to do w/undressin
In His grace...toward the light...I'm always pressin...
I thank God that I got old!

Regrets I have none...each day is a new
A chance to make right and know I can do
All things with Him cause He renews me...it's true
I thank God that I got old!

To God be the Glory!

Monday, May 11, 2009

My girl Alisa....a call for prayer....

I'm gonna be real and raw in tellin' this story...so please don't be offended cause there isn't any other way to tell the truth.

In early 1992 I met a girl named Alisa. Missy and I were at Fudd's shakin our thangs and causin' ruckus I'm sure...when we ran into these 2 girls. Alisa and Taraina. It was apparent that they weren't from 'round the way. There were not a lot of young, single black females in Waukesha back in 1992. We hung out all night....makin' small talk, they had just moved to the area, blase' blah...and at the end of the night Alisa asked for my number.

It went exactly like this.

'Um, so don't think I'm gay or nuthin'...not that u aren't fine girl...but we have not met a lot of cool girls out here and you are cool so let's hang out or something.'
I laughed so hard and knew we were gonna be fast friends.
'Alright...im cool with that.'

And so we did. All the time. Alisa's friend Taraina had moved out here for her job and Alisa had just left a nanny job out east and so when Taraina invited her to move with her, she agreed. What's funny is a few years later Taraina got married and moved to IL and Alisa felt stuck here.


For the next 7 years...Alisa was my road dog. My ace boon coon. My sister from another mister. We were together all the time. Most of my rough partying days were done with her at my side. The first time I did a lot of things....both good and bad...were with her at my side. We got into major trouble together, but always had each other's back. Every moment that Jordyn was with her dad...I was out with Alisa causing trouble. Many of my wildest moments occurred with this girl. Most club bouncers knew us by name. We often got into places free if we promised to keep the dancin going (why I never care about being the only one on the dance floor) and very rarely did we pay for a drink. Many a night I couldn't remember the next day.

Our friendship was much more than wild days though.

She was there when I moved out for the first time and was a little afraid to be on my own. She was there for me when I went through an abusive relationship. I was there for her when she got pregnant and gave birth. God mother to her daughter Ayesha. When I had to leave my apartment she opened up her apartment to me and we lived together for 8 months. When I got pregnant with Isaiah, she is the one who comforted me when it felt like others had abandoned me for making another mistake. When I met Marlon she pushed me to follow my heart. When I started going to church and accepted Christ...even though it wasn't her thing, she was happy for me.

Not too long after I got married in 1998...Alisa and her man and Ayesha moved to Pennsylvania. For many years...we kept in close touch by letters and pictures and phone calls. Every few months at least we'd talk...catch up...comfort each other. I had some marriage problems. She felt stuck. I went through severe depression. She had another daughter. I could tell she was using more than recreationally. After a few years...we started talking less often. She moved from Pennsylvania out to Washington by her mom. She didn't have a computer so email wasn't a way for us to communicate...and her phone was often getting shut off so I'd try to call and her number was disconnected. Soon it was once a year or so that I'd hear from her. She'd always ask a lot of questions about my life...but be very vague about hers. I knew something was up. I could feel it in my heart. I even asked her to move back a few times. She would laugh it off saying there was nothing for her here. The last time I heard from her was probably in like 2005 or 2006. Numbers that I had for her where long since not in service. My last letter was returned.

Since joining MySpace and Facebook...I looked for her on here endlessly. Hoping by some chance she now had a computer. No luck. Last fall I finally thought....duh, Ayesha would be old enough to have her own account and started searching for her. I'll never forget the day that I found her on MySpace. I was so excited. She knew who I was right away. Said how could she forget her Godmother. Asked how her Goddaddy and cousins were. Asked how life in WI was. Small talk. No pictures of her mom. I asked her to have her mom call me. Never happened. I asked her about her mom...very little info.

Today I found out the truth.She doesn't know where her mom is. She has been living on the streets and escaped from jail a few months ago. She has a myriad of problems. There is nothing they can do. The girls are living with their grandma.I can't explain the heartache I felt when I read that. I can't explain how my heart sank or why I started to cry so hard. While I think about Alisa often...it's been years since I've had contact with her. But the love of a sister...which we are...doesn't fade with time I guess. The longing to see her, know she is okay, reach out to her.... I asked Ayesha how I can help...she said there's nothing they can do so she guesses there's nothing I can do either.

But I can pray. And I can ask you to pray on their behalf.

Some of you know Alisa...some of you don't. Some of you might think, wow...that's deep, well--you make your bed, now you lie in it.

But I can't do that.

She's my girl. And my heart is breaking. In all of you...I trust you to pray.

So please pray with me....

Pray that Alisa is safe.
Pray that she returns to her family.
Pray that she would desire to get clean and sober and be there for her kids.
Pray that Ayesha and Tatiana are able to have influence of God's love in their life.
Pray that Alisa knows that people love her and that God loves her.

There is power in prayer.

To God be the glory.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Simple Livin...

Emotional turmoil
Adversity
Disguising and masking
To fit in

Truth hidden
God given
Evil ridden
Life fulfillin
Simple livin

Mental anguish
Bigotry
Pushing and pulling
To make right

Truth hidden
God given
Evil ridden
Life fulfillin
Simple livin

Misguided intention
Naiveity
Moving forth but not knowing
At what cost

Truth hidden
God given
Evil ridden
Life fulfillin
Simple livin

God protects me
Jesus sustains me
Holy Spirit power compels me
To move and breathe and live
To run and dance and sing
To question and ask and see

To be...Me.