No title.........

Busy, crazy, hectic, run down
Living each minute not as your own

Focused on the here and now
Missing His blessing from above
Denying yourself the peace that He brings
All because you won't stop looking back...

Caught in the moment
Head lost in the clouds
Satisfying self
And being let down

Missing the point
Forgetting the path
Knowing that happiness
Never seems to last

Til you fall to your knees
Give it all up to Him
Leave the sin and the pain
Where it all began

Then the fog starts to clear
The sun starts to shine bright
Day brings new beginnings
As you walk toward the light

Rise out of the rubble
Smile as you rejoice
For you know you can make it
Living each day out for Christ.

....and I rest my case!!!

Ah...if silence is truly golden, then anonymous comments must not count!! :)

And hardly on a pedastal---Jen, or Jen's friend or family who left this comment...if you read about me and my life you see that I am very aware of my humanness and mistakes. This particular event just really made me happy for my friends who have been having such struggles and I wanted to recognize that publicly.

But I don't mind the comments. It's always interesting to me who reads blogs.

Thanks!!

Almost a month....really?

Wow---can't believe it's been so long. I have 2 say that being out of habit makes it harder to get back in the flow....

Life continues to amaze and floor me. For the most part, I am taking care of myself at work. Being more diligent about letting myself get overwhelmed...making sure that my bosses know when and if I need more/extra help...and absolutely NOT taking any work home.

Since it's been so long--thought I'd just bullet point some of what's been happening. Much thanks 2 my friend Sue===who LOVES getting mission update letters in bullet point style===for the idea.

~Pastor Allan from Zambia stayed with us for 2 weeks and it was an amazing time. One thing that made it great was getting to see he and Marlon develop their friendship more deeply. The boys also really had a good time with him. He and Marlon spoke more about his possible 08' trip

~~Jordyn got her driver's license! Entering this new stage of parenting is a lil odd. It's a biggie.

~~Seem to have gotten the ministry stuff straightened out with the person I was dealing with. I've learned that I just can't make everyone happy. Like I KNEW that, but wasn't always living like I KNEW it...lol I refuse to let ppl bully me into sharing their beliefs and I refuse to try and share Jesus that way. Period.

~~Marlon and I are speaking at church on the 10th of Nov. on how "Marriage in the Messiness of Life" we have enough matierial for a million hours...lol...pray we narrow it down as it should be.

~~Personally and professionally i feel like I'm at a crossroads. like the next few months/years are going to be revolutionary for me. that's both exciting and scary

~~i realize that much of my life is spent taking care of others, loving others and putting myself last. even my free time is first spent thinking of what i need to do around the house, who i can visit...i was saying that i need a nite in my jammies and a friend of mine said that wouldn't happen---something would come up and i'd be off trying to save the world. so im broaching the subject w/Marlon to see about letting me have a weekend or even just one night all by myself. what in the world would that look like? I don't even know what i like anymore other than TV. i used to love the theatre, museums, writing...what would i even do with time just for myself? we'll see what comes...

~~the boys (Isaiah and Elijah) made their select basketball teams so that made them happy. Izzy made the select baseball team. sometimes our lives are consumed by sports.


On another note. I must add that I was soooo proud of my friends Troy and Amy tonight for the way they carried themselves at the indoor soccer game. First, Amy was able to calmly ask why someone, who is STILL badmouthing her after almost 1 1/2 years ago, can't let go of the past? Woman to woman she asked her to just leave them alone, stop running them down to others (and we know this continues becuase on Sunday she did it to a mom of another team Troy coaches and they called to let them know and just tonight she was standing next to my husband at the game and was saying, "troy this and this....we try to have God in our lives and they are ruining our family...yayayaya") This person got so angry that they had to go downstairs and couldn't even have a conversation face to face about it. So I don't think this is over. Second, after the teams played each other and they crossed the field to shake hands, the other coach pulled his hand back and didn't shake Troy's hand. Whatever their beef is...as coaches they are there to set an example for their team, for their own children, for the parents. I just pray that whatever anger is still there is taken away...that they are able to move past this situation and let it go. I don't understand. Why would you feel the need to go to another team and tell parents how Troy does this and Troy does that? Why would you feel the need to badmouth them in front of their own teammates? What is going on inside a person that they hold on for soooooooooooooooooooooooo long? It's just bizarre to me. All I can do is continue to pray for Amy and Troy to continue to have level heads, to make wise choices when they run into them, to protect themselves from people who might play both sides, to turn to God for strength in dealing with them and for the court date to stop getting rescheduled.

Anyway. That's about it for tonight. Just had some sweet, wonderful thoughts enter my head and so I am going to lay down and relish in them.

Nite all!!

Coming back...

It's been a long slow road...but I am coming back. I can feel it in my heart and it feels so good. One of these days I might actually be ready to do a catch up post.

On another crazy note...a long lost friend from Mexico found me on my space! How bizarre is that...lol. In high school, I was a part of an exchange program with a school in Mexico D.F. I visited there two times and my family hosted a guest two times---it was such an amazing experience. Anyway, Jose' Luis---one of my closest friends during that time found me on My Space! No===this was not one of my "loves"...lol (for all of you who read this and were around back then) just one of the sweetest, goofiest guys of the group. It's so amazing to me how the internet helps to make the world seem so small.

My, my, my

I tell you this....sometimes ministry is just about the hardest darn thing there is in life. One of my close pastor friends told me the other day that in effective ministry and speaking the truth you will have at least 5 people mad at you at any given time. More and more I see how this is true.

In a discussion I was a part of at James Place (a new community ministry that Elmbrook is starting in downtown Waukesha) I noticed something about myself. I am harder on other Christians than I am on the non-believers and seekers in my life. We discussed how for a lot of Christians it's the opposite. They give more grace and understanding to their Christian brothers and sisters than those they are ministering to. Especially in urban or street ministry where those coming to you are broken, making bad choices, living in sin. It's easy to prejudge or have ideas about them that border on stereotypes. I am the opposite. I was told by someone it's because that is my calling--I am not sure about that, but I do know it's true that I am harder on other believers than anyone else. That certainly includes myself. (part of the reason for my little meltdown at work===whole different post I just can't get into yet)

As I analyze a situation that just occurred within the last day, I see how in an attempt to try and show a fellow sister in Christ how her actions could come across as hateful and judging...I instead made her feel hurt, angry and embarrassed. Part of me is like----good. You should be embarrassed. You need to take a look at what you say and do and how it reflects on Christ. Another part of me is like----why did I need to call her out? Why didn't I just ignore it as I've done other times? Or quietly deal with it one on one? If I'm honest---I know there is a part of me that is so frustrated with Christians who try to bring others to Christ by banging them over the head with it...pushing their opinions on them...mindlessly spewing out other people's ideas without really knowing what they stand for. But I must have the same love and compassion for my Christian brothers and sisters as I do for those I am reaching out to for Christ. I can't effectively lead if I don't speak the truth. I can't effectively lead if I don't challenge those around me to grow and change and self-evaluate. BUT...I also can't effectively lead if I let frustration dictate how I approach people. I apologized for calling her out in front of others. But I do not apologize for speaking the truth. We butt heads often because we rarely see eye to eye on ANYTHING...lol...I'm okay with that because I think it's part of how we grow and change and learn. I don't think that she is and so I will be more careful in how I approach her.

Whew. I think emotional, head work is much more tiring than physical work!!

Wedgie boys...

This video makes me laugh. Crazy boys...lol. What's crazier is that they have about 1500 hits on You Tube. :)

Back at work. My hiatus was great, but seems like it was almost way 2 short. Trying 2 figure out what this all means & what my role is.

Anyway---can't get 2 heavy or deep, just trying to enjoy and relax right now. Too much going on 2 do more than that....

wedgie boys

ahhhhhhh

Although there's been much cleaning being done---I must admit that today I think I've finally hit a relaxed state. Didn't think it was possible.

just my thoughts.......

Broken and distraught
Exhausted and unrest
Spinning uncontrollably
Unfocused and off center

Misguided and misled
Weary and worn
Unable to fully explain
This feeling in my head

How do you love where you are
Yet know it's not quite right....
Like a favorite pair of shoes
that no longer fit.

Time...
to clear my head
to pray for direction
to reconnect with Him
to laugh and to dream

Longing...
to smile without sarcasm
to dance without forcing
to sing full of praise
to love without pause

Knowing...
there's more to the puzzle
He sees the big picture
He knows all the answers
He has me safe in His arms

so I wait
and enjoy
and believe
and know
that when the time is right
and the opportunity is there
it will be time to move on
and He'll let me know.

Hanging in there...

but just barely.

I'm still here. That's about all I can get out right now. He's sustaining me and that's all I'm asking for right now. More later when I am rested and can take more than a moment to think.