The First Steps to my "New" Obedience...

I am a disobedient, wandering spirit.

Ok, for the most part that is really who I used to be. But what I've found in the past few years, is that when I do not have my focus right with Christ...I fall much to easily back into that person. Why is it such a struggle for me to release control?

God spoke clearly to me at the retreat this past weekend. I was taking notes during one of the seminars and then I wrote---almost as if someone else had the pen,

Let go and release anything you are doing that is not of me.
Stop and focus on me and wait.
I will tell you what to do next.

I love that God knows that I need details!! What scares me about this is that I don't know who I am without all of the things I do. (Um, kind of the point of releasing it all huh?) But I am going to be obedient. This week I've already I've started that ball rolling. It's hard and scary to think that other than God, my hubby and kids and work I am not going to "do" anything.

All I want to do is fall in love with God again. Not because of what He's done for me but just because of who He is. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of feeling like I am running on yesterday's energy. I am tired of being crabby and short with the people I love most. I know and trust that God is going to use the time I am giving Him in amazing ways. There is nothing more important than drawing close to Him and spending time with Him. I've made other things more important.

I don't feel that Teen MOPS, Couples Ministry, and other odd and end volunteer things I do are bad to be involved in. I don't even think that it's the time I've given them that is bad necessarily. They are amazing ministries that are well needed. I know that I have something to contribute to the ministry. Those are all things that have kept me there. But for me, for me, it is also my own desire to keep busy that keeps me there. It is my desire to try and find something fun for me that keeps me there. It is my desire to get out of the house because I am so stressed that keeps me there.

And I feel that's wrong. For me.

Where is Christ in that? He wasn't mentioned or thought about once.

I can't live as a Proverbs 31 woman if my life is so full of things that my husband and kids never get the best of me. I can't live as a Proverbs 31 woman if I don't look to Christ first and then set about my day. I can't live as a Proverbs 31 woman if I am so busy with what Mindy wants to do that I can't fulfill what God wants me to do.

It's exciting and scary all at the same time!

Mindy <><