Modern Day Parenting of Boys...

You may or may not know the song "Damaged" by Dannity Kane. It's got a thumpin' beat and the girls are "wayyyy fine" (to quote my son Isaiah). The other day it was on in the car and we were all jammin' to it. If you've never heard it...to give you an idea...this is a part of the chorus...

Damaged...so damaged
I thought that I would let you know
That my heart is damaged...so damaged
And you can blame the one before
So how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it

I turned it down a bit to talk to the boys for a sec...and this is the conversation that ensued...

Me: "Hey guys...do you know what this song means?"
Isaiah: "um...she's damaged?"
Izzy: "she wants me to fix it"
Me: "Fix what?"
Elijah: "her heart?"
Isaiah: "yeah..like the new guy has to take care of her now."
Me: "Hm. What do you think about that?"
This is followed by blank stares and shrugged shoulders from all three boys.
Me: "Well, think about it...it sounds like another boyfriend hurt her and now she might have problems and issues that she hasn't dealt with and as a new potential boyfriend she's telling him that it's his problem and she's wondering how he's going to fix her."
Isaiah: "yeah."
Me: "but can you fix someone else?"
Izzy: "naw...they gotta fix themselves."
Me: "well if they turn to God, He will help them. He can heal, fix, solve any problem. But there are girls out there...who have been hurt....and they will look to boys/men to "fix" them."
Elijah: "why?"
Me: "well, there are a lot of reasons. sometimes they do it on purpose, sometimes they just don't handle their problems well and sometimes they don't even realize how damaged they are. but it is very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who is damaged."
Isaiah: "yeah...cuz she's probably all messed up and crazy...lol"
Me: "well, the thing is...you might not always know that she's damaged. there isn't like a "look" to it. but as you get to know someone...there will be some things that you'll notice/see and that will be a red flag to keep your distance."
Elijah: "back off sister!"
Me: "well, you don't have to be mean...but yes, in a way...because when you are young and when someday you get to the age where you can date...or in college when you have a serious girlfriend..."
Isaiah (interrupting): "um mom...I'm gonna have a girlfriend before college, thank you very much."
Elijah: "you wish"
Izzy: "you already do! He already does! I know because I heard him..."
Me (interrupting): "hey, hey...can we get back to the damaged girls for a minute..."
Three heads nod.
Me: "If and when you meet a girl who is damaged...and if and when she lets you know that she's expecting you to fix her...let her know that you can be her friend, you'd like to pray for her, but that you aren't a fix it man and she should give you a call when she gets herself together. You want a whole, healthy woman who has dealt with her damaged issues. It doesn't matter if she's been damaged...but she has to have that taken care of before you can go there with her."
Isaiah: "dang mom...that's cold."
Elijah: "watchya...ta loco!"
Me: "Not cold. Just real. Damaged girls can come out great. I know...I was a damaged girl. God can redeem anything. But it's best to just be their friend and let them heal. You can't fix anyone and it's just a big mess for everyone if you try. Ok?"
Isaiah: "ok mom."
Me: "for real. for real, for real. do you get it?"
All three chime in: "yeah. we get it."
(long pause as I turn the music back up...then...)
Izzy: "hey mom..."
Me: "yes?"
Izzy: "Isaiah does have a girlfriend you know."
Isaiah reaches back to begin to pummel his brother and the moment is lost.

Lord, just take me now. :)