On my own...

So Sunday I am going to Taycheedah on my own to minister to the women there. I have gone alone once before and spoken there a few times so it's not totally foreign to me...for some reason I am just drawing a blank on what I should speak about. I could use one of the other topics that I've previously used (it's been about a year and with turn around shouldn't hit too many people twice) but that just seems like a cop out. So tonight my plan was to sit and read and think and brainstorm and...I did none of those things. Instead I got the kids from school, came home so Isaiah can get ready for soccer, let out the dog and start dinner. Soccer ride comes (thank God for caring people on his soccer team) the rest of us head out to Jordyn's hair appt. While she's getting her hair cut we go to the bank and the grocery store getting back to the salon just in time to pay. Then we come home, let out the dog, finish dinner, finish homework, switch the laundry, eat dinner, Isaiah comes home, take a break to watch Survivor, dye Jordyn's hair, try to change the toilet seat (we bought a new one) can't figure that out, decide to leave it alone, switch the laundry, give my Grandma her shot, chat with my aunt for awhile, come back, let out the dog, get the boys to read, sign everyone's assignment books, get the living room straightened up-herd everyone upstairs with all of their shoes, books, hats, CDs, etc., make sure backpacks are set, get everyone back downstairs to pray. And that moment...in that moment...I realize I am not on my own. I can feel God's presence. I can hear him saying, "Slow down. Relax. I've got you." Now I don't hear him in an audible voice--although I know people who do...but I hear it and believe it. He's got me. Even on those days when I rush to handle things myself...He is there. It's like I rush around to complete tasks, to get to the next thing on the list and He's there, just waiting for me to see Him there and take His hand. When Marlon first left 11 days ago (only 17 more to go!) I was focused on having Him guiding me. But these last couple of days I can feel that I fell into self-reliance, self-trust. It's too tiring. I can't do it that way. Not that way and have peace surrounding me. Not that way and have joy. So I will relish in the reassurance that He's got me and I don't have to make it on my own.