New Look & New Thought

So with the new year I decided to give the post a new look. I'm back to having a few links and thought this green looked fresh and reminded me of spring.
This morning my parents and sisters family invited us over for breakfast so I threw my coat over my jammies and we all headed over to my parents house. Came back-napped-and am now ready to tackle the rest of the laundry. I still have this strange ache in my chest (yes, I will call the doctor tomorrow) and Marlon woke up sick today as well. Hopefully we'll all be over it now!
As I was debating what bible study I want to start for the new year, I started glancing back through the Jubilee study that Elmbrook did this past fall. One theme was redemption and I was reminded of the Prodigal Son. When he returned-the father could have so easily lectured him. He could have so easily sent him away for the bad things he'd done. He could have slapped his face for the disrespect he'd shown. But instead he lovingly and joyfully embraced him. The son didn't even have to get on his knees and grovel...the father saw him in the distance and ran to him-kissing his face before the son could even say a word! Wow. Then the older brother who had always been a "good son" became angry and his words (read specifically Luke 15:28-30)sounded jealous and appalled. The father's words remind him that he's always been there and what he has is already his, but there must be rejoicing because the other has returned and repented--he was dead and is alive again!
Redemption. It's so much about your heart. As Christians I think we sometimes--and I include myself in this--use God's unconditional love and the concept of forgiveness as a crutch. We mess up but it's okay because if we "repent" then he will forgive us. But if we enter a situation knowingly being disobedient, with the intent that once it's done we'll be forgiven...that is a dangerous zone we need to avoid. In the heat of the moment I can lose my cool and afterwards I can apologize. If I take no measures to work on myself so that it might not happen again--does the apology mean anything?
And what about the father's side? His open forgiveness and ability to wipe the slate clean? Do I extend that to people? I fear that while I try to there are probably many times more that I do not. I have learned that there is so much heart work and even head work that goes into forgiving someone. It is a conscious effort and decision to start fresh. Does this mean getting suckered into the same situations with people who maybe aren't the healthiest for me to be in relationships with? No. I had this occurance the other day, which I haven't shared yet, but let me know that I truly had forgiven someone I wasn't sure I ever would.
Before I met Marlon, I was engaged to a man named Jesse. He was very abusive. It started verbally and although there were a ton of signs that it would get worse-I chose to ignore them. It slowly turned physical & finally ended in a horrible night that put me in the hospital. During the court precedings afterwards he 1st tried to say it didn't happen (silly because there were testimonies & all of the physical evidence) then he decided to plead guilty & the trial was avoided. For many years I didn't truly heal. Because I got rid of him & never had contact again, I thought I had dealt with it--but when I saw him in a parking lot once, I ended up puking by my car & quickly drove home shaking. For a long time I found myself hoping he was in jail or that something bad had happened to him. After becoming a Christian I really tried to work hard on forgiving him, but I was never quite sure if I had. I often thought I'd have to see him to know if I'd forgiven him. There was a part of me that secretly prayed I would never see him again so I didn't have to worry. A little over a week ago as I was heading toward Pick N Save-who do I see coming out of the store but Jesse. My heart didn't quicken, my head didn't fill with all of the mean things I'd rehearsed saying for years, I didn't want to puke or spit on him, I didn't wish Marlon was with me to protect me. Instead I thought, wow...he looks rough and sad. He was on a cell phone & not paying attention...but as we passed I actually found myself say a quick little prayer that his life was okay & that he had gotten help. When I got home I shared with Marlon how it felt to be at total peace & thankful that I felt I had finally truly forgiven him & in the process myself.
Thanks for letting me share. :)